shhh - don't disturb the delicate balance.
do you see them? the fairies sprinkling dust. the good witches chanting lovely things.
look up. it's a sky full of shooting stars. hold out your hand and catch yours.
do you hear that? a symphony of nature. the beauty of so many unknown sounds coming together to create harmony.
shhh - don't disturb the delicate balance.
it's here to be enjoyed, as long was we leave nothing disturbed.
.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
tides and breath
when does it get easier? i'm sure there's a break at some point. tide can't always be high, crashing down and crushing - sufficating and sweeping away all that's left only to rush back in and do it all over again.
she was there. she was there with him. i wish i wasn't so good at predicting these things. she's perfectly sweet and vapid, not quite banal but definitely not me and much more what you want. i'm sure it's only a matter of time.
just to be friends. how much do i have to push back? can a line be drawn in the sand? must i erect a fortress? an outstretched hand, is that enough? or must i shove with all my might? what does it take to just be friends...
when does this cold skeletal hand no longer slip around my lower back, that place reserved for only those i want to know more? when does this cold skeletal hand stop sliding up my side from lower back along the curves of hip to nipped in waist and up and out again? when does this cold skeletal hand no longer snake in between my ribs and slowly fill my chest cavity, cold and griping - tightening until i gasp for air, partly because i didn't realize i was holding my breath and partly becauase the pain should be cold enough to numb but some how it isn't.
.
she was there. she was there with him. i wish i wasn't so good at predicting these things. she's perfectly sweet and vapid, not quite banal but definitely not me and much more what you want. i'm sure it's only a matter of time.
just to be friends. how much do i have to push back? can a line be drawn in the sand? must i erect a fortress? an outstretched hand, is that enough? or must i shove with all my might? what does it take to just be friends...
when does this cold skeletal hand no longer slip around my lower back, that place reserved for only those i want to know more? when does this cold skeletal hand stop sliding up my side from lower back along the curves of hip to nipped in waist and up and out again? when does this cold skeletal hand no longer snake in between my ribs and slowly fill my chest cavity, cold and griping - tightening until i gasp for air, partly because i didn't realize i was holding my breath and partly becauase the pain should be cold enough to numb but some how it isn't.
.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
oh come on....
as if i'm not confused enough, the stars decide to complicate matters. not only should i stay in a holding pattern a bit longer, i should also socialize with my co-workers?!
Wednesday, Nov 19th, 2008 -- You might be distracted today by all the things you must do. Compounding the problem is the fact that your feelings may be in conflict with your logical mind, leaving you uncertain as to whether to follow your head or your heart. Although it may seem as if your decision is required immediately, wait as long as you can. Once the Moon enters practical Virgo, you'll be better equipped to choose your new direction.
Gemini
Keep your discussions light and airy today -- save the big, emotional issues for another time. If you manage to keep people talking, they can push past some of the little obstacles that have been holding them back.
Work Horoscope for Wednesday, November 19:
You're suddenly feeling intellectual. You might even go in for some light debating. If it amazes you when others in the office take you seriously, it simply means you look smarter on the outside than you do on the inside.
Wednesday, Nov 19th, 2008 -- You might be distracted today by all the things you must do. Compounding the problem is the fact that your feelings may be in conflict with your logical mind, leaving you uncertain as to whether to follow your head or your heart. Although it may seem as if your decision is required immediately, wait as long as you can. Once the Moon enters practical Virgo, you'll be better equipped to choose your new direction.
Gemini
Keep your discussions light and airy today -- save the big, emotional issues for another time. If you manage to keep people talking, they can push past some of the little obstacles that have been holding them back.
Work Horoscope for Wednesday, November 19:
You're suddenly feeling intellectual. You might even go in for some light debating. If it amazes you when others in the office take you seriously, it simply means you look smarter on the outside than you do on the inside.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
sometimes
sometimes life is careening out of control; sometimes we think life is careening out of control.
sometimes we lament our journey; sometimes we smile and forget so as to numb the brutal reality of our journey.
sometimes we find balance in the calm between two realms; sometimes we sway on the shaky ground that should be steady footing.
sometimes we forget to inhale; sometimes we forget to exhale.
sometimes people need a moment; sometimes they don't know how to take it.
in the last 44 days:
new shoes - 4
dr appts - 5
mri - 2
spinal tap - 1
ssep - 1
physical therapy - 4
Happy Hour - 7
break-ups - 1
weekends out of state - 2
successful galas - 1
junior league meetings - 5
junior league articles - 2
naaap events - 3
unwanted text messages - 17
new handbags - 2
sometimes.
sometimes we lament our journey; sometimes we smile and forget so as to numb the brutal reality of our journey.
sometimes we find balance in the calm between two realms; sometimes we sway on the shaky ground that should be steady footing.
sometimes we forget to inhale; sometimes we forget to exhale.
sometimes people need a moment; sometimes they don't know how to take it.
in the last 44 days:
new shoes - 4
dr appts - 5
mri - 2
spinal tap - 1
ssep - 1
physical therapy - 4
Happy Hour - 7
break-ups - 1
weekends out of state - 2
successful galas - 1
junior league meetings - 5
junior league articles - 2
naaap events - 3
unwanted text messages - 17
new handbags - 2
sometimes.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
For the record....
I don't like all things white people like....
- #113 Halloween
- #112 Hummus
- #108 Appearing to Enjoy Classical Music
- #106 Facebook
- #103 Sweaters
- #102 Children’s Games as Adults
- #97 Scarves
- #94 Free Healthcare
- #93 Music Piracy
- #90 Dinner Parties
- #88 Having Gay Friends
- #86 Shorts
- #84 T-Shirts
- #80 The Idea of Soccer
- #78 Multilingual Children
- #77 Musical Comedy
- #76 Bottles of Water
- #72 Study Abroad
- #71 Being the only white person around
- #64 Recycling
- #60 Toyota Prius
- #59 Natural Medicine
- #57 Juno
- #55 Apologies
- #54 Kitchen Gadgets
- #53 Dogs
- #51 Living by the Water
- #50 Irony
- #49 Vintage
- #46 The Sunday New York Times
- #45 Asian Fusion Food
- #44 Public Radio
- #43 Plays
- #41 Indie Music
- #40 Apple Products
- #39 Netflix
- #36 Breakfast Places
- #34 Architecture
- #30 Wrigley Field
- #28 Not having a TV
- #24 Wine
- #22 Having Two Last Names
- #19 Traveling
- #18 Awareness
- #16 Gifted Children
- #15 Yoga
- #14 Having Black Friends - well, I'm not against this one
- #13 Tea
- #12 Non-Profit Organizations
- #11 Asian Girls
- #11.5 - Asian Guys!!!
- #8 Barack Obama
- #7 Diversity
- #5 Farmer’s Markets
- #2 Religions their parents don’t belong to
- #1 Coffee
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
i think
i'm a little bit broken.
i do not want to think about other journeys, or paths or endings.
each thought of change seems to make things hurt just a little bit more.
today i heard the past. instead of pressing 7 like i do when cleaning out the closets and cobwebs, i pressed 9 to save it just a little bit longer.
this isn't the way life usually happens for me.
i think i'm a little bit broken.
i do not want to think about other journeys, or paths or endings.
each thought of change seems to make things hurt just a little bit more.
today i heard the past. instead of pressing 7 like i do when cleaning out the closets and cobwebs, i pressed 9 to save it just a little bit longer.
this isn't the way life usually happens for me.
i think i'm a little bit broken.
Monday, November 10, 2008
it's raining flowers
For those of you who know me, you know what a disaster my dating life can be (oh – who are we kidding here – my love life, personal life, professional life – all of it is often a disaster). But for you that means plenty of good laughs.
And so, we go back to this weekend. You see the boyf and I were breaking up – a friendly breakup but a breakup nonetheless. This is a much longer story that may or may not be told at a later date. The important thing to know here is that he had expressed an interest to move on. So, we decide to fulfill all of our couple obligations currently scheduled and then to make no more plans as a couple.
Our last couple obligation was a wedding (his invitation) in
The ceremony goes well. We check into our hotel before the reception. We talk, he says too much. I’m crying. I’d like to think he was crying a bit. I’m crying more. I stand there contemplating how a living organ can hurt so much and still function. But not much time for this as I need to dry my eyes, reapply make-up – shimmer eye shadow to hide the previous tears.
I turn to boyf. “Let’s go act like everything is great. Luckily for you, I’ve had enough acting classes to pull this off. Are you going to be able to handle it?” He just looks pale.
The reception goes fine. Our ruse is working.
And then the bouquet toss.
I’m thinking I won’t go up. But then they read my name off a piece of paper. OK – fine, whatever. I’ll go. I take a nice safe place somewhere between rows 2 and 3. There are like 20 women up here – most with boyfriends. It’ll be over soon enough.
The audience counts down, we all look, the bride fakes the throw. Everybody laughs. The audience counts down, we all look, the bride throws it too softly and it lands in the empty space between her and her crowd. Of course, the third time is the charm.
I forget to pay attention and the next thing I know – I’m looking down at my feet and there’s a freaking bouquet between my feet. Not even just in front of me, but IN BETWEEN MY FREAKIN’ FEET. It may have even hit me on the way down, but it doesn’t matter because now I’m staring at the dreaded bouquet between my feet.
Are you kidding me?! What happened to my first two rows of defense?! Why didn’t anyone actually grab the damn thing? Is that what’s supposed to happen? People who want it reach up and grab it?! This whole team should be benched! If I were the coach, there would be some serious hell to pay for this pathetic performance!
I stand there, arms still hanging limply at my sides, and finally raise my head to look at those around me, eyes pleading “anyone? Anyone want to pick it up and be happy?! Please – anyone? Anyone?!”
But no, I’m not getting off that easy. My head’s swiveling back and forth, eyes pleading – and all the happy faces are beaming and excitedly encouraging me to “pick it up, pick it up.”
Oh fine – fuck it. Those acting classes weren’t free. I might as well get my money’s worth.
Look at me – I’m so happy and in love and I even caught the wedding bouquet. Giggle, giggle – now I get to be the next one married. Yay!
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